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Dark Odyssey Surrender 2013

by on Nov.22, 2013, under Conference, Surrender

Well this is wrapping up my explosion of kinky con’s this year.  Let’s see I went to the first SF GrUE (organizer), Shibaricon, KinkFest, Paradise, Leather Reign, and Surrender.  For some people that is not a lot of events, but for me I only typically do one or two in a given year.  I will get into why that is in a following post about my year in review.

This was the second year for Surrender and it was my second one.  This is the only Dark Odyssey event I have ever been to but I have been watching their East Coast events from afar.  I was really excited that they decided to created a West Coast event; as I was tired of the three national events we already have.

There is nothing wrong with the other events we have.  International Ms. Leather is a really good event.  I was involved in the event for three years and still am very fond of it.  That being said while it was a diverse event it is women focused and being I am not female identified or formally identified I have always felt a little out of place being a cis-male; but I was never made to feel like I was unwelcome.  Northwest Leather Celebration is a M/s focused event, which does not hold my current interest.  Last but not least we have Folsom Fringe, which is also not a bad event but tends to be hetronormitive.

Now Surrender on the other hand like all of DO’s other events is very queer friendly.  I love the diversity of people that are in attendance.  Surrender really has no central theme to it; it’s not a national contest or a relationship focused event.  For the most part it is all about education and kickass play!

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Flesh Hook Suspension

by on Oct.14, 2013, under Flesh Hook, Uncategorized

So for sometime I have been fascinated with flesh hook suspensions.  For those that know me I love to push a physical boundary of those that I play with and this is the next evolution of that to me.  I have for sometime wanted to suspend people by hooks, but it is not something I have really explored.  Over the years I had participated in two hook pulls in which I have small hooks (12GA) placed in my chest and pulled against other people and objects.

Fast forward to a couple months ago I was at an event called Paradise near Seattle, WA.  On the second to the last day of the event they did a hook pull event that also included some flesh hook suspensions.  I watched with fascination and said to myself I want to do that.  I didn’t have the courage right then and there to find out if I could in fact do it.  I thought about it and talked with people about my desire.  One night I was at a friends art show opening and we got to talk about her experiences with flesh hooks and by the end on that conversation we had a date tentatively set with the person who has done the majority of her suspensions.  I remember walking away from that conversation thinking “what the fuck did I just get myself into”.

Well yesterday I did it!

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Validation

by on Sep.18, 2013, under Relationships

For me I find that as a Top/Dom I too need validation. I need to know that in the end you enjoyed what I did to you. I need you to be gushing about whatever we did and I will return that back. If I don’t have that validation I find that I leave a scene wondering and spinning. Doubting if you had a good time. Doubting if I let the beast out too much or not enough. In the end, play will dissipate at the end.

I had a partner that I was having issues with. We would play and we would both walk away with a completely different perspective of how the scene/evening went. We were talking about four months after a particular scene and I made a comment about us not having a successful scene in a long time. She came back with well what about that scene when we were down south. It seems as though we both have a different opinion of how it went. She walked away thinking we had fun; I walked away thinking she just tolerated it. My recollection is that after we were done playing is that I never got any positive feedback. She never told me that I had a great time. Maybe she did and I never heard it. To this day I still don’t know what the real feelings were at the end of one of our last scenes. Which is sad to me because I do have some very found memory’s of our play in the beginning.

The more times this happens with a person the less likely I am going to want to play in the future.

So in the end, I need validation.

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My Sexual Self

by on Sep.17, 2013, under Relationships

It’s funny how life changes cause you to examine yourself. I have always known that sadism and power are connected to my sexuality. You just have to look at the major themes to the types of porn I am drawn to. Porn that contains violence, control, consensual non-consent, pleasurable coercion, and submission are some of the most common themes in video, photographic, and written erotica that I view. This is nothing new to me.

But what I have learned perhaps over the last year is that those themes are required in more than just the erotica that I read. I used to think that I only needed one or two of them here or there and turns out to not be the case. It is quite reversed in that I can only have one or two of them missing at a time.

I need to be in control. I need the person who I am with to want what I do to them and accept it; because it is my desire not because they like it in the moment. That is not to say that I want true non-consent in my relationships because I don’t. I get turned off by even erotica that is heavily non-consensual. If they happen completely enjoy what I am doing to them all the better for me; it creates a win/win for both of us.

Some of the best sex I ever had was in the first three years I moved to the bay area (almost seven years ago). The person I was with gave me their submission, enjoyed my power, and fulfilled all the themes listed above and more. But over time because of mistakes that I made, differences of views about relationships, and communication issues I started to lose that submission and power that was given to me. This in turned caused me to lose interest in sex.

Part of me thinks that this makes me a selfish lover. If you think about the major themes I listed above that is the case. I am the center of attention and that my desires are most important. And you know what I am ok with that. I give so much in other areas for my partner.

That is not to say that my partner’s needs and desires are not important to me if they are outside of those themes. I am perfectly capable to have sexual interactions that only contain one of those which is submission but that is the exception rather than the rule.

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I am Not an Activist

by on Jun.24, 2013, under Lifestyle, Relationships

I just had a wonderful weekend with some good friends camping in celebration of my upcoming birthday. On the way home and before heading to the airport on one of my usual trips out of town I realized that I am not an activist; though I never claimed to be. I am not someone who makes personal changes in my life for the sake of change. Instead I make changes in my life based on issues and causes that directly or indirectly affect me.

For direct issues and causes that seems pretty simple to me. If there is an issue or a cause that directly effects me I will ether make a change in my own life or promote socialite changes to support it. A good example of this is my posting and commenting about Shibaricon. I had a lot of issues around a 2013 instructor that was allowed to teach. I joined in the requests of understanding and change. This is because I love Shibaricon but for a number of reasons I can not support a conference that does not adequately protect its attendees from someone that has multiple serious consent violation accusations.

On the other hand indirect changes are a little more tricky. For the people that I love in my life I can help rally around their causes. For example women’s equality is not an issue or a cause that directly effects me. Being a white male with an amount of privilege those issues are just not something that enters into my life directly. However, for two close friends of mine it is a very important issue and cause. So this makes me want to help create change where I can. Supporting conversations, political change, social change, and changing how I interact with the world around these issues.

On the flip side of this issues and causes that do not enter into my life directly or indirectly I have no drive to rally behind. It does not mean that I don’t care it just means that I have no desire to be a part of the change in society or personally. A good example of this is illegal immigration for it does not effect myself and those close to me. I do not have to worry in my career that I or my close friends will be displaced in our respective jobs by a cheaper illegal immigrate labor. I also do not feel that the crime we are likely to run into changes based on the number of illegal immigrants. That is not to say that when presented a choice that I will not do some research. But I typically will not make a change like purposefully buying produce from framers that pay a living wage and do everything that they can to hire legal works. But I might come election time support a candidate or a bill that improves converting illegal immigrants to legal ones, improved guest worker programs, making status identification easier for employers, and deporting undesirable people back to their home country.

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Thoughts on Shibaricon

by on Mar.10, 2013, under Bondage, Conference, Rope, Shibaricon

So I have be reading through all the Shibaricon threads over the last couple days (even started one of my own) and it appears that the owner refuses to address the issue around a presenter that was chosen at the last minute to fill a gap in the schedule. Many people have questioned why a person being accused of many consent violations would be allowed to teach or even attend Shibaricon. The owner of Shirbaricon has replied to a couple different threads addressing other issues people have seen with the con but as of yet to make a single statement in regards to this presenter selection.

All I can gather from this is that the owner is purposely avoiding this part of the concerns. Without any information from Shibaricon it leads be to only two possible conclusions.

1. That the owner does not believe the people who have spoken out against this presenter. That they believe that this person to be innocent of the accusations made. It might be very well true that this presenter is falsely accused, but I find that hard to believe given how many different people have stood up against this presenter.

2. That the owner is unwilling to admit that they made a mistake. That in hindsight they should not have made the decision that they did and to form policies to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Both of these conclusions are unfortunate in my opinion and both make me not want to return to Shibaricon next year. Too bad I already purchased two passes for next year with the now uncertainty of returning.

My last thought is around admission of culpability. In the responses I have read from the owner of the conference they believe that all of these issues to be someone else’s fault and has taken none of the blame in these. I am not saying that the owner is at fault for everything but to blame someone else for every single problem is a bit much for me.

Some might say that the form letter from former Staff and Presenters about receding their support for Shibaricon will harm the con in attendance next year. I disagree with that. I believe that the owners’ inability to properly manage the issues being raised and inability to admit to culpability will do more harm.

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Failure is an option…and not necessarily bad…

by on Jan.06, 2013, under Relationships

Have you ever had a moment or a series of moments in your life that you would love to recreate?

I know I have wanted to bring back that spark, that memory, that taste of the past. I have struggled in the past with being able to redefine in order to let go of what was good and is no more. I grew up with the belief that failure is not an option; that every problem has an acceptable solution to it. Well as I get older and wiser I finding out that is not the case. No matter how much desire, thought, or effort you put into the issue; sometimes you just will not get the solution you are looking for.

And you know what; that is not a bad thing!

Just because you have failed does not mean that you are a failure. As long as you believe that you put forth the proper amount of effort, then you succeed in trying. There are many things in our lives that you will never get back; no matter how hard you try. You have to accept that you will not get them back in order to move forward.

It is a scary process to let go of those things. Sometimes it means making drastic changes in your life and your relationships with people. But to move forward in life, to get new moments, you have to be able to let go of…not failing

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Daddy Gives His Little Girl an Enema

by on Oct.25, 2009, under Butt Play, Enema

Between both of our busy schedules I have not been able to give my little girl an enema for quite some time. A few months ago at Efest West I bought some organic coffee grounds to give her a coffee enema on a special occasion. I figured now was the time since it had been so long.

I called her earlier in the day and asked her not to drink anything with a lot of caffeine in it. I did not want her to get a caffeine overload since I know that she does not drink it regularly. As some of you may or may not know, things put up the butt absorb into the body more quickly and fully then ingesting it.

When I arrived we spent a little time chatting and catching up on our week. I told her it was time for her enema. I started off playing with her pussy and ass. It’s been awhile since we had done any anal play other then enemas and I felt like I was falling down on my butt play responsibilities with her. I think we both got a little over zealous playing with both her holes at once and stretched her poor little butthole a little too fast. So needless to say that part ended a little sooner than I would have liked.

So we moved on to the first enema of two this evening. This one was just a plain water one with a bit of soap. She took it like a trooper as always. Although I have to say with hardly any complaining, this might explain a bit of what happened later on. After she expelled the first enema we played around with a little fucking, gagging, and choking.

I decided it was time for the coffee one. I started to boil the coffee in some water and let it cook for a good eight minutes. Once it had cooled down a little I had her poor it through a coffee filter while I held it over the bag.

I started to give her the enema when I realized something was wrong with my rig. The inline bulb that I use was not working properly. It seems as though the one-way valve in it stopped working. That bummed me out but I had one of the sexiest asses I have ever known waiting for her enema, so I ripped the bulb out and pressed on.

Once she had at least half of the enema in I started to play with her pussy again. I got her so worked up that she was begging to have Daddy’s cock in her. And then a though came to mind, I knew how to make her start complaining and yet not want me to stop. She was lying on her back on this futon like chair; I had been fucking her for a few minutes already. I pulled her legs up to her chest and rested my weight on them while I continued to fuck her even more and harder. She started whimpering and whining about how her tummy hurt and I would just respond with ether “I can stop fucking you if you like” or “I’ll stop once the bag is empty. To the first one she would say no, as I suspected. I know my little girl very well and she would live with Daddy’s cock in her 24/7 if she could. To the second one she would say how could she take anymore with Daddy pushing into her stomach like that, and I would of course say “who’s problem is that?.”

 We continued our little fun until the bag was empty. I knew she would suck the water in no matter what I did to her. My little girl loves her enemas and would never want to waste one no matter what!

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Efest West 2009

by on Aug.23, 2009, under Boot Blacking, Conference, Efest West, Fire Play, Needle Play, OTK, Play Type

Wow what a weekend!!! I have never had so much fun and not so much fun in a single weekend event. I will not bore all of you with my personal drama throughout the weekend and just give you the highlights. I also want to mention that MissDVour and BossBondage were some of the best guests I have had in my home in awhile. I think it might have something to do with all the money I spent at his booth throughout the weekend.

Day 1 – Thursday Night

Thursday night started the event well, we had a reception at Renegades during our normal Edges wet munch. There were quite a few people that were there for EFest West besides our normal members. It was great to get a chance to sit around, drink, and mingle with people from out of state attending the event.

Day 2 – Friday

 I unofficially took the day off from my normal job to help with getting ready for EFest West. Picked up Miss Ali from her home and then headed over to the space. We started moving equipment around, putting out tables for the vendors, and just in general get things setup. We headed over to Costco and loaded up on soda and water, and I mean LOADED up. Luckily by the time we got back there were people at the space to help unload it all for me.

The event started right around 5pm and people started filtering in. Naughty Doc and Naughty Nurse hosted an opening ceremony around 6PM that welcomed everyone to the event as well as introduced a lot of the staff. After the opening ceremony they did their infamous “Intro to Erotic Enema Play” class. I have to say I never get bored sitting in on this class no matter how many times I have seen it. I always learn something new in the class. Both of them are wonderful instructors and never fail to entertain. If you have never been to their class I would highly recommend it, even if you are not all that “into” enemas, just the shear entertainment value is worth it.

After the class it was time for the evening play sampler & party. I have never seen so many people playing on a Friday night in a long time. There were people playing, fucking, and playing while fucking everywhere. I personally didn’t have any plans for tonight or for the rest of the weekend for that matter. I just loved seeing the playspace full and so many people playing and having a good time.

Miss Ali and I were chatting about what we were going to do for the evening. She told me that she was going to have Boy Kyle do her boots that evening but it fell through. We chatted a bit more and she came up with a wonderful idea to top her while doing her boots. I thought about it, I had gone to a class about it with her and I had also got this great brand new rope from Bossbondage and I thought what the hell!!! So we headed out to the playspace and I put her up in the chair, handed her foggy and piece of rope. She was kind of in a weird space as she was tied to the chair as well as tying up foggy. I got to work on her disgusting boots and brought some new life to them with lots of love, saddle soap, and shoe grease. While I was doing her boots she asked me for some needles and I gave them to her. She sticks both foggy and herself with needles while I finished up her boots. After I finished up her boots she pulled the needles out of her inner thighs and I noticed the blood and I just had to suck on those open wounds.

While I don’t exactly “top” her and I did get those boots nice and clean. Poorly maintained boots hurt my eyes and I was happy to see them come back to life. Next time we will work on topping more, I just do not believe ether of us were really in the headspace for that after such a long opening day for EFest.

Day 3 – Saturday

The fun never ends with being the Playspace Repair Daddy. I don’t know what it is with one of the bathroom doors but it always seems to come off the track. The other door never has been a problem. I had planned on getting packed for my trip after EFest West but I ended up heading to the space early to fix the door.

I just kind of wondered around the space getting things ready for the day while some of the classes were going on. After lunch was a class on age play by Bethie Bee. This is another class I would highly recommend, she is highly entertaining, energetic, and knows her shit! I did not really get to sit down in the class, but it was packed full and that made me happy. Since I have always liked age play and in the last few years I have fallen in love it with and with my darling little girl Booboo, her brother Adam, and the more recent older one Amy (all Miss Ali btw, I am sure I will be giving her multiple personality disorder one day).

Nearing the end of Bethie Bee’s class I started setting up for my needle play class. I want to give a big thank you to medicaltoys.com for the loan of the medical table as well as a crash cart to use during the class. Bethie Bee also happened to be the stunt bottom in this class; I was excited and worried for two reasons. The first reason was because we had never played together before and I have never used someone as a stunt bottom that I had not played with. So I was both excited and worried about how it would go. I am sure the comment “if I pass out just keep going and stick a hook in me to wake me up” might have added to my anxiety just a little. But I was excited to do needles on her in general, so it was all good. The second reason I was worried and excited was because she also told me up front that she will most likely drop down into little space. Little girls always make me happy and I was worried because I have not had a lot of successes with doing mean things like needles to someone in that space. All in all it turned out wonderful, we had a good time, and it was a great class. To quote Bethie Bee “Ouch ouch ouch…I WAS BRAVE!!!” and that brave girl got some really good chocolate milk after the class.

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Funny enough the class went so well that I got a play date out of it with this great girl Slutbiscuit. She approached me for play and we chatted for a bit. She told me that she was really into OTK and had done needles once. We talked about her experience with needles and was told that she was only able to get up to three needles the one time she had done it. After seeing my class she was willing to try it again. I told her up front that when we got to the needle part she was to tell me when she could take no more. I also told her to keep in mind that I will be doing one more needle once we have reached that point. I started it off giving her a nice long spanking. It’s funny how you can tell how dominant someone is with their strong hand by the balance of the bruises when you spank someone OTK. She ended up with a mild bruise on the right cheek and a huge bruise on the left cheek. After that spanking we moved to the needles. I started off with a button out of some small needles and then moved to doing a star with small and big ones. Between pushing on the buttons and twisting some of the other needles I got her up to about 16 needles. After about 45 minutes of being tortured she told me that she did not think she could take anymore. I said ok, we will take out all of the needles and have a short break. After we took our break I pulled out a suture and handed her my bead case; telling her to choose one. I then ended the scene by suturing a bead on her chest as a keepsake.

We hung out and cuddled for a bit before I had to get to work on clean up. What a day, I had so much fun and crashed hard once I got home.

Day 4 – Sunday

This was by far the most packed day for me. It started off with having to do four loads of laundry and packing for a three week trip. I got over to the space at about noon and started the last day at EFest. Miss Ali and I had talked a few days before about mixing up the fire play class I was doing that day. The big change to it was to do the demo while teaching the class. This changed happened to work out well and helped shorten the class. When Miss Ali and I do fire play outside of the classroom it happens to be of a very sexual nature. Well shit fucking and doing fire is pretty exciting. So we wanted to bring that to the class, show people that it does not have to be very static and that when you have gained experience it can be very dynamic. So the class went off without a hitch.

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After the class Miss Ali and I wanted to spend some time together since I am leaving town for three weeks and she will be off on a trip when I get back. During the weekend she had mentioned to me that she would like to get her nose repierced so I had purchased some piercing needles and jewelry (well she bought the jewelry and for some reason we kept losing it and had to rebuy it two more times). Miss Ali and I disappeared into the medical play room with Chrysty and proceeded to repierce her nose. I was very nervous about doing the piercing; I have done plenty of temporary piercing but never anything permanent. I had talked with BossBondage about how to do it and got some pointers. In the end it all went well, she had a new piece of jewelry in her nose, I got to do my first permanent piercing, and we both got a memory to last us while we were both out of town.

Ali Nose 1.1

But for us that was not good enough. So I started digging through all the permanent piercing supplies I bought this weekend to see what I had. Chrysty suggested that I put a barbell in the back of Miss Ali’s neck. I have to be honest I was not convinced that it was a good idea at first. The first thing that went through both mine and Miss Ali’s head was is that safe, I mean it is the neck and near the spinal cord. Once we got past and believed it was safe the next thing that went through my head was her tattoo on the back of her neck. The tattoo is of a cute little panda bear that I know means a lot to her and I did not want to do anything to damage it. I decided to make it look like the panda was holding the barbell, which meant that the entry and exit of the needle would be on both sides of the paw. Again I was nervous about doing the piercing, but I had one less than ten minutes before that had gone well. In the end the piercing went well, we took the time spent to the next level, she had a piercing she loved because it was something different that not many people have, and I am always happy when my little girl is happy.

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Well that is all I have to say about this weekend. It was an amazing weekend that I very much enjoyed.

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