Kinky Musing

Archive for September, 2013


by on Sep.18, 2013, under Relationships

For me I find that as a Top/Dom I too need validation. I need to know that in the end you enjoyed what I did to you. I need you to be gushing about whatever we did and I will return that back. If I don’t have that validation I find that I leave a scene wondering and spinning. Doubting if you had a good time. Doubting if I let the beast out too much or not enough. In the end, play will dissipate at the end.

I had a partner that I was having issues with. We would play and we would both walk away with a completely different perspective of how the scene/evening went. We were talking about four months after a particular scene and I made a comment about us not having a successful scene in a long time. She came back with well what about that scene when we were down south. It seems as though we both have a different opinion of how it went. She walked away thinking we had fun; I walked away thinking she just tolerated it. My recollection is that after we were done playing is that I never got any positive feedback. She never told me that I had a great time. Maybe she did and I never heard it. To this day I still don’t know what the real feelings were at the end of one of our last scenes. Which is sad to me because I do have some very found memory’s of our play in the beginning.

The more times this happens with a person the less likely I am going to want to play in the future.

So in the end, I need validation.

Leave a Comment more...

My Sexual Self

by on Sep.17, 2013, under Relationships

It’s funny how life changes cause you to examine yourself. I have always known that sadism and power are connected to my sexuality. You just have to look at the major themes to the types of porn I am drawn to. Porn that contains violence, control, consensual non-consent, pleasurable coercion, and submission are some of the most common themes in video, photographic, and written erotica that I view. This is nothing new to me.

But what I have learned perhaps over the last year is that those themes are required in more than just the erotica that I read. I used to think that I only needed one or two of them here or there and turns out to not be the case. It is quite reversed in that I can only have one or two of them missing at a time.

I need to be in control. I need the person who I am with to want what I do to them and accept it; because it is my desire not because they like it in the moment. That is not to say that I want true non-consent in my relationships because I don’t. I get turned off by even erotica that is heavily non-consensual. If they happen completely enjoy what I am doing to them all the better for me; it creates a win/win for both of us.

Some of the best sex I ever had was in the first three years I moved to the bay area (almost seven years ago). The person I was with gave me their submission, enjoyed my power, and fulfilled all the themes listed above and more. But over time because of mistakes that I made, differences of views about relationships, and communication issues I started to lose that submission and power that was given to me. This in turned caused me to lose interest in sex.

Part of me thinks that this makes me a selfish lover. If you think about the major themes I listed above that is the case. I am the center of attention and that my desires are most important. And you know what I am ok with that. I give so much in other areas for my partner.

That is not to say that my partner’s needs and desires are not important to me if they are outside of those themes. I am perfectly capable to have sexual interactions that only contain one of those which is submission but that is the exception rather than the rule.

Leave a Comment more...

Looking for something?

Use the form below to search the site:

Still not finding what you're looking for? Drop a comment on a post or contact us so we can take care of it!


A few highly recommended websites...